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Thank you, NEXT!

Updated: Oct 27, 2020

After a few years of being single, modeling, working, searching for Mr. Right, and living life to the fullest, I finally found a man I could actually tolerate going on a date with. At this point in my life, I wasn't putting up with anyone's bulllshit. Whoever I was seeing, no matter how long, the second he did something to piss me off, he was gone. I was young, so they were just boys. Stupid boys. I can't really remember how we ended up partying together, because I have had entirely too much wine since then, but I got him to show up to the bar I was at. We had an amazing time. We were from the same town and even though I had known him when I was younger, I had not seen him in ages. He was a super cute, good ol' country boy. I was smitten for sure. 

      That night, he followed me home from a town called Gladewater. The bar we always went to was there and it was only about 20 minutes away from my house. He walked me up to my second-story apartment, and you'll never believe this shit, he didn't even try anything sneaky! He was a perfect gentleman. He walked me inside, kissed me goodnight, and called me when he got home. I have to say, that blew me away.  i was surrounded by scumbags. Maybe it was just his backwards way of getting to me, I don't know. However, he made an impression for sure. We started dating not too long after that, and months later I realized it was serious. I decided to get rid of my apartment and start fresh. I never thought I would actually settle down with someone, but If our relationship was going to head in that direction, I needed to clean house. Out with the old and in with the new. We moved in together, I graduated cosmetology school, cooked three meals a day, talked out our problems instead of argued, took care of our house, and paid all the bills. Yes ladies, that's right, paralyzed by the facade of "love", ALL the mother effing bills. Did I mention he had a great job? He was a welder. A damn good welder. 

      One night we were out with my parents and all of our friends. He was over in the corner talking to my father and shaking his hand. I had no idea what they were talking about but he damn sure had a shit eating grin on his face as he was walking towards me. That night, in front of everyone there, he asked my father's permission to marry me. I was shocked to say the least. We hadn't really discussed marriage yet. Me? Married?? As time went on I fell in love with the idea. Yes, the idea. Learning the difference between, loving the man you are going to marry, and loving the idea of marrying the man, is just as important and learning how to read. As I look back on it, he was not the man God put in this world for me. I guess after years of thinking it would never happen, it was nice knowing someone wanted to marry me.

       Despite all the wonderful aspects of his personality, he had a temper. A bad temper. He would punch the tailgate of  his truck and leave all kinds of dents. Sometimes, he would disappear when he was angry. The first time he disappeared, he had gotten into a fight with his best friend and beat the shit out of him. He didn't come home that night either and I had no idea where he was. I guess maybe he didn't trust his own anger around me. He went to jail a lot for fighting. It was very Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, because on a normal day, he was the sweetest guy. When he was angry though, you better not stand too close. It was bad. I never thought he would ever hit me, but I was taking a shower one night when the shower curtain swung back, He was angry, raised his fist, and rammed it into the shower next to my head, cracking it in half. After that, when he would get mad, I didn't even try to console him or talk him down, I just stayed my ass out of the way. I didn't want to be near anything he was aiming his fist at. His mother was the sweetest woman. She knew he had a temper and when she asked me what happened to the shower I hated to tell her.

      When he would get off work from about forty-five minutes away, he would come home, we would eat, and then hang out with friends. It was sort of our routine. I had decided to quit my job and get a new one. I wasn't happy and I went to go clean my station out while I was waiting for him to come home from work. I lost complete track of time. When I checked my phone he should have been home an hour ago. That particular day, he had picked a random fight with me over text. I thought it was strange, but I let it go because it was stupid. W`ell, turns out, he was trying to make us fight so it would make him leaving me a little easier. He came home around midnight that night, packed his stuff and left. No explanation, no fight, nothing. Just left. I found out later he was telling his friends I was pressuring him into marriage. Even though he took it upon himself to ask for my hand in marriage before discussing it with me, and he is the one who said he even wanted to get married. Get it straight asshole! He was also telling everyone I wouldn't go to work. Are you kidding me??? The bastard wasn't even paying the bills! I was paying all of the bills.Why did he care if I quit my job or not? He had a damn good job and paid for NOTHING! Then, he continured to say I wouldn't clean the house. For those who know me, even a little, know I am very O.C.D. For those of you who are familiar with the condition, obsessive compulsive disorder, know it is nothing to play with. Not only did I clean the house, but I cleaned the whole house every day.

      I called my dad in tears, and him and my mom came and got me. From an hour away. I was super depressed for about a month after that. Forget about food, I couldn't eat, even when i tried. I would randomly burst into tears for no reason. Forget about makeup or brushing my hair, I looked homeless. About three weeks after crying everyday, starving myself out of forty pounds, looking like something from the walking dead, and feeling sorry for myself, my best guy friend of ten years invited me over. I got dolled up for the fist time since the break up and I was ready for a good time. I didn't even realize we had started dating until we were being bailed out of jail 3 months later. I caught him cheating on me. It started out so innocent. He had pictures of us from ten years prior, and I thought it was the sweetest thing. I stole his phone, ran to the bathroom, looked to see what other pictures he had saved of us, and ill be damned if some trashy whore was sending him pictures of her hands in places inappropriate for someone else's phone. Apparently, when you go to jail in your bathing suit, not only do you lose your dignity, but your mind too. I was modeling for a hunting company at the time, and it was the release of our swimsuit calendar.  By the time we got out, I had already forgotten what he had done the night before and didn't even break up with him!

       December twenty first of that year, the world was supposed to end. We had been dating for about four months, nothing serious, or so I thought. We went over to his grandfather's house that night and for some reason, he decided to blindfold me. Believe me, this does not get kinky. He walked me outside and I thought he was going to throw me in the pool. Yes, in the middle of December because he was that kind of asshole. Instead, he walked me to the exact same spot where we first met ten years prior, and proposed to me in front of his whole family. His WHOLE family! I didn't even have one family member or friend there to help me escape! I really would have rather gone in the freezing ass water. What was I supposed to do? Say no? well, I should have. The ride home however, I really did get excited. For the first year of our relationship, we had a lot of fun, I enjoyed being with him, and after that other idiot, it was really nice to know he wanted to marry me. Like I said, he had been my best friend for ten years. 

      While I was planning my wedding, we found out my cousin, my aunt's husband, was having an affair. My heart was broken and I knew my life was about to change. Understandably so, she decided to leave town and I had a very big decision to make. I could buy her salon or I was out of a job. What hurt just as bad, was the fact that I wouldn't get to spend my career working by her side. I had 3 days to make my decision. Obviously, I only had one real choice because I couldn't be out of a job. That week I went down to the bank and got a business loan, bought all of her stuff, and she was gone the following Monday. After a little paint and redecorating, I opened Salon Rouge Spa and Boutique. While i miss her being around, and as sad as I was to see her go, it was one of God's little blessings in disguise, and she still continues to inspire me.

      Our wedding guest list included 600 close friends and family. That's the problem with well-known families, you can never have a small guest list. The bill was about 30 thousand dollars. The night before my first bridal shower all hell broke loose. We had been at the bar and got into a huge fight. It was awful. The fighting only subsided because he finally passed out drunk in our bed. His best friend was with us and after the chaos, he and I sat out on the porch to enjoy the peace. Little did I know, in about five minutes, my life as I knew it was about to change, again. Are you effin' kidding me. I couldn't catch a break. Maybe if I made better choices in the man department this wouldn't always happen. His drunk, yet morally sound best friend who couldn't bare to see me marry a fraud, confessed many times he lied to me about going to work, being at home, and that he had cheated on me with more than a handful of people. Shit. Right then and there I almost burned the house down. Where the hell is my lighter?? My bridal shower was the next day!! I was so sick at my stomach and everything started spinning. Dammit!!! What was I going to do? I had to entertain 100 people the next morning who thought I was in wedding heaven!! I decided my shower was to go on as planned and after I would sit down with everyone, call off the wedding, and return the gifts.

      He showed up at the house, the next day, right before I was to leave. Thank goodness he had to go to work so I didn't have to see him that morning. I told him the plan, told him it was over, he confessed everything, and begged me not to leave. Not leaving was a much easier plan than what I was about to do. Our wedding was only two months away. He was the perfect gentleman after that. Our relationship had grown stronger and I was actually getting excited about the wedding. The morning of the wedding (I know, you are thinking, "she actually married him??!!") I found out he lied to me the night before about where he had been. He looked me right in the eyes the night before our damn wedding and that bastard lied to me again. After all the work we had put in to make our relationship better. I also found out right before I walked down the isle, my father was in congestive heart failure. Apparently I was the only one who didn't know that. He had been sick for a while but he told me it was pneumonia. Can you imagine? All that information right as you are about to walk down the isle in front of, roughly, 400 people. I was chicken shit to leave so, of course, I went through with it. I couldn't handle the embarrassment or wasting my mother's time and money she had put into the wedding. 

      After six months of being unhappily married, I found out he was cheating on me again and decided to get out of that hell hole. There were signs everywhere and I knew I had to trust my gut. Even though I didn't have solid proof, I was not an idiot. I would find girl's glasses in his car, shorts in his room that didn't belong to me, paper with names and phone numbers laying next to his bed at his grandfather's house, and that's just the tip of the iceberg. I had to create a plan of action first. I needed to tell my parents, find a storage building, lawyer, moving crew, decide wen I was doing this, and put it in motion. The following wed I went to my rotary club meeting and laid my eyes upon the most handsome man I had ever seen. Channing who? I don't even remember what Charlie Hunnam looks like! Honey, it was love at first sight! I may have only been twenty four at the time, but that day, I was having hot flashes! I knew I had to put my plan into action and get my divorce before this man walked out of my life. Someone would surely snatch him up quick. That evening, we were having a dinner with our friends to welcome this gorgeous man to Jefferson and introduce him to our group. I hadn't told anyone I was leaving my husband yet, except for a co -worker of mine. During dinner, my precious husband had his phone laying face up. I saw it go off because it lit up like a damn Christmas tree. Wouldn't you know, it was a girl, sending him a picture, on snap chat. Of course it was, why wouldn't it be? I ran to the bathroom, cried like a baby, didn't even touch my food, and the next day told my father everything. 

      I had become pretty good friends with this new man I had my eye on. One day I broke down and told him everything. I didn't mean to. He was just there when I was having a bad day and I couldn't control my emotions. We talked all the time. When my husbands birthday rolled around, the three of us went out. He got really drunk, so our new friend drove us home and helped me get him in bed. He was passed out, so I took the liberty of going through his phone to make sure he really was cheating on me before I filed for divorce. Well, to say the least, he was. Not only was he telling his ex fiance he made a mistake marrying me, dating a girl in Texarkana, not going to work every time he told me he was, stealing money out of my purse, going to strip clubs, bars, trying to get into porn, but he was presenting himself as single, with a different last name, different age, different job, and didn't even live in the same town he really lived in. I shit you not. LMN cant even make this up. After I left him he moved to L.A. to get into porn and started dating a retired porn star. He goes back and forth now, living with his mom and visiting his porn friends in L.A.  When word spread I had moved out, the rumor mill went wild. People were talking amongst themselves about how I must have been having an affair with my new friend. What they didn't realize, and some still don't realize is, my heart left my husband way before this man came to town. They didn't know the horrible thing I was being put through by my bastard-ass of a husband. Most of the people running their mouths probably would have cheated on their husbands. I did not. I never committed adultery.  

      The man I now call my fiance, was my saving grace. Sent to me by God himself. We were meant to spend the rest of our lives together and I knew it the first second I saw him. He is the most amazing man I have ever known. Caring, hard working, loyal, morally respectable, and treats me the way no other man has ever treated me. Today, three years later, that man is the father of our beautiful son. Being a mom is everything I ever imagined and more. It is definitely a love like I have never experienced. Not just with my son, but with my fiance as well. We are getting married this September twelfth! The same day JFK and Jackie O. got married. We bought a house on the lake, twenty minutes away from our little town, and we are planning to take over the world together! 

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